Neohapsis is currently accepting applications for employment. For more information, please visit our website www.neohapsis.com or email firstname.lastname@example.org
From: Bud Frank (youtubewatchdogyahoo.com)
Date: Sat Nov 03 2007 - 20:44:04 CDT
Story of My Current Days
By. Christian W. Chandler.
October 18, 2004
Updated: August 14, 2006
Four Score and over Three Years Ago, I, Christian Weston Chandler, have been currently experiencing my own Lonesome and Sad Depression. This is due to the following conditions:
1. I am a Frustrated Virgin
2. I need a pretty 18-(my current age)-year old, Boyfriend-Free Girl.
3. I am very shy in approaching the girls, for I FEAR that they are all already paired up with some JERK (a MAN, other than myself, CWC, and my father, Robert Franklin Chandler, Jr.), which I've dubbed the fear, Noviophobia, after the Spanish word for
Where did it start? I started when my life-long friend, Sarah Hammer, a very pretty girl, was taken away from me by this Magician Jerk, Wes Iseli. At first, I was naive about their relationship. Later on, in Spring of 2003, I tried to pick up a girl in a class I was taking at Piedmont Virginia Community College, but she told me right-off, that SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND! And it was like that with every other girl who I talked to since then. Thus, I developed my Noviophobia (mentioned above). Since my fear-development, I realized that I needed to attract a BOYFRIEND-FREE Girl, by any means necessary, with limited resources. I was afraid to even say Hi to any girl, so I made a simple sign that stated, "I am a (my age then)-Year Old, Single Male, seeking an 18-(my age then)-Year Old, Single Female Companion." I had the sign placed next to me, with an arrow pointing at me, and of course, I stood, or sat, next to the sign. Not only was I not able to attract any girls, but some
Bullies (Men and Old Woman) did not approve my method of attraction. Also, I feel that they perceived me as a sweet, weak person, which I was then, but I am much, much saltier now. So that female dog, Mary Lee Walsh, tore up my sign; it SHATTERED my heart. But I kept on trying to attract, in the name of LOVE and TRUST! This brings us to today. Recently, I was suspended from PVCC, for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl. Then I got HANDCUFFED by the JERKOPS of the Fashion Square Shopping Center, and kicked out, for trying to attract a Boyfriend-Free Girl (I did not go to Jail). And I am currently still trying to attract a BF-Free Girl, without a sign, at the campus of the University of Virginia (of which I am not enrolled in). Though I do park in a in a garage, and I pay for the time I use in my Love Quest (which I am having much LESS success there). So, I ask you, with my own song lyric:
"Tell me why, I'm stuck in a Sad, Lonely Cage.
Tell me why, I so need a cute girl my age.
Tell me why, I ain't ever wanna hear you say,
"I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.""
As for Wes, I blame all of these happenings on him. If he had not taken my life-long friend away from me, I might have a Pretty Girlfriend today. And I would not have had to set out on endeavoring LOVE QUEST!
Since, October, 2004, I've learned new, disturbing things. Like that having the sign next to, on or around me, represents, in a Body-Language way, shows that I may have some sort of mental condition, or that I was seeking a girl, only for Hanky-Panky. Of which is not true at all; I need a Girlfriend, Solely for LOVE and TRUST! Also, as of early November, I was reemitted into the Fashion Square Shopping Center, and since Mid-December, I totally left the UVA as an Attraction Location. I realized that I have no problem conversing with girls (as in Instant Message), but to approach a girl is much, much tougher for me.
Also, I've learned from Wes that Sarah left him, and got herself paired up with another JERK (of which I later learned that his name was William). And I am not sure how to get in touch with her now.
I've also figured out some NEW methods of attraction: pacing back-and-forth while watching a GBAVideo on either my Game Boy Advance SP or my Nintendo DS. I did manage to catch the attention of some girls, but they were all already paired-up with a JERK, or otherwise were updatable, due to their religion. But I did get a hug or two. I also started singing random songs from memory now and then. It was not as successful as the GBAVideo. I also started listening to my GBAJukebox MP3 Player and sang along when I felt like it (I had the GBAJukebox inserted into my Nintendo DS, that had a removable, more appropriate sign attached to it, in my hand). Also, I did manage to get a FREE Personal Ad in the April, 2005 issue of Nintendo Power magazine, but who really reads the personals anyway? I also displayed my best artwork in either my hand, or next to me; still not many reactions.
One day in March, 2005, I now go to Fashion Square, on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, with my Nintendo DS, GBAVideos, GBAJukebox, my Sonichu Scrapbook, and I├?ve brought up some courage to start saying "Hello" to the girls I find very pretty, and possibly Boyfriend-Free.
Earlier this week, a girl, who shall remain nameless in this story, finally noticed and approached me. I was hoping for a moment like this. And she asked me to have a beverage with her and talk about things. I was very ESTATIC, and my SHATTERED Heart had a speedy recovery back to 100Šnbsp; We had a nice "Mini-Date," I maintained Eye-Contact, I was very attentive, and I took notes about her. I thought she was very pretty, I enjoyed her charming wit, and I found her to be a very nice and lovely girl. J But, later on, as I was figuring out steps for future dates, I learned from a couple of Gal-Pals, that I have previously made at the Shopping Center, that my new girlfriend was not serious; she was setting me up for a prank. I could not believe it at first, so I found and asked her myself. Unfortunately it was true. I was shocked, and my heart was re-shattered down to being 15n tact.
Then, on my next visit to the mall, I felt seriously depressed about what had happened the other day; it killed my attraction time. But it was a blessing in disguise; after I had eventually recovered, my heart was on a major repair rise, all the way back up to 58Šnbsp; I figured that during my major depression, my soul was resting and healing itself, and when it woke up, I arose with much excitement as well!
Yet, I still am Girlfriend-Free, but I now have a new attitude, courage and methods of attraction. Also, I├?m feeling much, much luckier now!
Mid-May, 2006, "I re-write this story from the inspiration I get from a very special someone who I've been Thinkin' About a sweet deal, and kept her close to my heart.
After starting at Piedmont Virginia Community College in Y2K, I├?ve lied a somewhat neutral, care-free life as I did my school work, play my video games, and anything creative I felt like doing. A bunch of times, I've played Sonic Booms with da hedgehog, as well as my Electric-Hedgehog Pokemon, Sonichu. My Mind was Freed Up, yet I didn't have many friends or acquaintances. During the Summer of Y2K3, I've made a few attempts to get a Girlfriend; sadly, EVERY GIRL I TALKED TO already had a... BOYFRIEND (LOUSY, LUCKY JERKS! TAKING ALL THE PRETTY GIRLS, LEAVING ME WITH NONE TO CHOOSE FROM)!
Given that I So Needed a Cute Girl who was Boyfriend-Free, I didn't want just any B.F.-Free Girl, I wanted one who had a strong will, a sweet caring attitude and at least somewhat pretty; a real Super Girl. Some people said I was too picky, but that was only their opinions; not mine. I'm bound for a click similar to that between the Dark Magician and his Girl.
So, as of August, Y2K3, I did the most logical, sensible and inexpensive idea I could think of, I made a simple sign that stated, "I am a 21-year old and Single Male Seeking and 18-21-year old SINGLE FEMALE COMPANION", along with a basic description of qualities I felt were best suited, due to the fact that it describe MOST every Boyfriend-Free, 18-21year old Girl. Sadly though, not a single one even gave me a glanced, a momentary pause or even an excuse-making throat clearing to read the sign or give me the time of day. And the few who noticed... That EVIL WITCH OF THE PrivateVilla of Corrupted Citizens, Mary Lee Walsh, a bunch of Non-Blue or Black impersonating JERKOPS, Manajerks and every other (only a few total) son/daughter of a #&*.. MOCKED ME AND EVEN CRUMBLED MY EFFORTS AND THREW THEM INTO MY FACE! IT WAS SERIOUS HEART-SHATTERING INSULTS LIKE THAT WHICH LITERALLY SHATTERED MY HEART TO ALMOST NOTHING AND MURDERED MY SOUL! Like as if I didn't already
understand that Love Can't be Hurried; but they ALL left a HUGE IMPRESSION among the general population that having a Sweetheart was ILLEGAL IN VIRGINIA thus, "VIRGINIA IS FOR VIRGINS, NOT LOVERS!" was what I had thought for a long time with the Dark Forces that were forced into me, bedding with my torturing past with the jerks of the Greene County School System during the childhood years of my life. Thank God for blessing me with many happy years at Providence Middle School and Manchester High School in Chesterfield; rounding my feelings and attitude out for today.
For days to weeks to months to years, I Felt So Lonesome and Incomplete. But I didn't STOP! In the name of Love, and the fact that there had to be a Boyfriend-Free Girl out there, somewhere, for me to get to know, grow a strong companionship with and make into a Sweetheart from the Ground-Up, so in later years, after the inevitability of my parents leaving me, I WON├?T BE ALONE. And I can eventually realize my dream of being a good husband, and father of a pretty girl named Crystal.
Eventually, light a magical lighthouse that randomly shone its healing guiding light upon my previously Shattered Heart and tortured Soul, and mended them back to good shape and form, one girl walked into my life, like a Sailor Soldier having just vanquished a heart-snatcher. Bit by bit, I've noticed her shining lustrous hair, here shiny Blue Chaos Emerald-like Eyes, and a personality strong, caring and true like a Buttercup bloom. I followed my recovered heart's instincts and Followed Her. As I got to know her over the months to over a year, my heart was growing stronger as I was falling for her. I blushed more Strawberry Pink than I have ever before; everything around me was shining like the sun's Mellow Color, Yellow. Ah, For Her I Would travel even A Thousand Miles, just to be with her. Fortunately, she lives only about one hour from my house, and I meet her once a week at a closer-to-home social. This feeling, It was, and still is, so pure and true,
it was like as if I was Born to Love Her. When She Smiles, I feel like I'm Walking on Sunshine as I give my replying smile and gaze into her eyes. And her hair is the softest and most warm-tingling. Cloud Nine? I feel like I'm on Ten.
Yet, one can't stay on such sweet passionate feelings without a few speed bumps in the road of life. Even though I didn't mean to give the impression that I was being forceful; for heaven's sake I wouldn├?t ever dare to force her to do anything she didn't want to, but she reminds me times that she isn't ready for Love beyond Friendship. I have no feelings against her wish, and I respect her decisions and feelings. Oh, but even though she Doesn't Say it, or return it, I Love Her, and no matter what, those feelings wills stand strong as time itself. And Sometimes I would want to touch her shoulder or back, feel her hair or give her a hug. I hold those urges back, because I care about her. And to keep myself from flying crazily off the handle at a random time, I keep my hormones in check at least twice a week by myself. I Won't Hang Up on what can develop into the True Thing, because I don't just Think, I know that I Love Her. My Love for her is So Pure
and true, that not even Every One Love Song can spell it out as well as I am writing it now.
Every once in a while, I take a look into my Mirror Mirror of life, check the things I've seen and heard of. I've seen the Jet City Women, and frankly I'm not thrilled. I can't help but feel sorry for them; True Love is Priceless and rarely street-found. Aqua Teen Hunger Force is fun to watch, because it├?s so stupid, it's funny, as well as some of the Non-Anime programs on Adult Swim; lucky there's a Family Guy. I'm happy that I am no longer in the Heart-Shattered, Tired Soul Times; I was often so depressed, I could have been a Sofa King. So many stupid Ways I Wanted; I don't have to care too much about those paths now, but back then, sometimes I Couldn't Sleep so bad, I could have Bounced Off the Ceiling. Reflecting on those past Things Makes Me Go Hmm...
I always come to the conclusion that my future is solid now that my Me Plus One has a gelatinous conclusion. The Answer is the girl in the uniform that I've grown to Love.
While I do have deep scarlet desires for the eventual Party For Two en La Cocina en La Casa de Casa-No-Duh (basically the Kitchen in my House), I am in no rush for a kiss on Rainbow Road; I can wait for the longest time; except when it comes to my stomach or bladder or course. I am capable of showing her a good time with a nice dinner for two at a nice restaurant, taking her to a movie or even a moonlit (or sunlit) rendezvous at the park; most whatever her heart desires. As long as I am Together With Her, especially in all of the neutral social locations, I am happy. J
The first time I see her smiling face on any day, it├?s like seeing the Morning Moon, shining with radiance. The only thing that keeps us limited to once a week is our respective Signals in the Sky. Each time I leave her, I hope I├?ve left her with a smile and a warm feeling in her heart, as I do. It's In My Impressions, as well as what happens that day. No one can come close to her, because to me she is The Most Beautiful, and Caring Girl in the World.
Good Night, Good Morrow, for now I walk from the End of our time together; I will always look forward to our next Staff Party For Two. Is the Love between us truly a Destiny or a Warp-Pipe Dream; Our Sailor Stars will guide us. In the meantime, I can enjoy the two of us E-Mailing to Each-Other's Hearts.
There is no Fin; We're still Living."
Yet, there was a Finish; she had a Boy-Crush in the Military; Seriously Killed that Romantic mood. So, now After August 3, 2006...it's been THREE LONG YEARS, and I still Do Not have a Sweetheart (or even a girlfriend to build up into one).
So, given that Summer is almost finished, although I've graduated from PVCC, I will be hanging out at the University of Virginia's Alderman Library on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, hoping to be found by a Boyfriend-Free, 18-(my current age)-year old, caring, smoke-free, non-alcoholic white girl who would pick me among all others as the Unsold Special Fish in the lonely Sea of Life.
I can also be found at The End game center and the Game & Hobby Place on Wednesdays and Fridays/Saturdays (respectively) (look under Interests for times).
Pretty Girl in the wait, please come find me for a soda and conversational date.
Do You Yahoo!?
Tired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around
Full-Disclosure - We believe in it.
Hosted and sponsored by Secunia - http://secunia.com/